Juste frôler.

2 commentaires
Le 15 août 2010 vers 14:14 dans Esotérique - Egotérique

Nous étions assis en rond autour d’un saladier plein de chips, chacun avec un verre en plastique à la main. Dans cette fête où je ne voulais pas aller, et où je ne voulais pas vraiment rester. Elle était assise juste à côté de moi, souvent mon genoux touchait le sien, mais je faisais comme si de rien, comme si je ne le remarquais pas, après tout c’est normal on est un peu serré, les mouvements ne sont pas facilités, parfois un coude frôle un bras… Elle était juste à coté de moi, je regardais son profil, la forme de son oreille, les plis de sa peau, ses cheveux, j’avais une folle envie de lui remettre une mèche qui était sortie du rang, juste avec l’index la remettre à sa place derrière l’oreille, sans doute également une folle envie de l’embrasser, mais cette envie ne me quitte jamais, nos genoux côte à côte, comme complice, comme ne faisant qu’un, j’ai rarement autant eu envie d’être mon genoux. Elle était ailleurs, les yeux se perdant sur la tranche des livres de la bibliothèque, tapotant son verre avec son pouce, j’étais ailleurs aussi, me perdant dans le méli-mélo de ses cheveux, j’aurais aimé être son ailleurs, son évasion, mais je n’étais ce soir là que son voisin, même pas volontairement, juste les hasards des arrivées et des chaises libres, elle commençait à bailler, bientôt elle partirait, me laissant seul une fois de plus avec tout ces mots que je ne lui ai pas dit, que je ne lui dirais jamais. Elle me saluera d’une bise, peut-être deux, lâchant un ‘à bientôt’ par routine, bientôt ce n’est jamais assez tôt. Puis je fumerai clope sur clope pour dissiper au plus vite son parfum, j’essayerai d’oublier qu’elle était là, j’essayerai de l’oublier, je forcerai un peu mon rire, quand quelqu’un lâchera son prénom en me regardant avec un sourire en coin plein de sous entendu je ferais la sourde oreille, celui qui ne comprend pas, celui qui ne sait pas de quoi il est question. Mais en rentrant seul sur le chemin je me dirais que c’était quand même une bonne soirée et que finalement j’ai bien fait d’y aller surtout parce que pendant quelques minutes elle était à mes côtés tout près sans être proche pourtant mais presque comme l’un contre l’autre. Je me maudirais de cette pensée, je me maudirais de me contenter de si peu, et une fois encore en tentant en vain de dormir j’essayais d’oublier son prénom, même si je sais qu’au matin dés que mes yeux s’entrouvriront, je regretterais de ne pas voir son visage sur l’oreiller à pois, de ne pas sentir sa chaleur contre mon corps et je me souviendrais de son genou, bénissant ce frôlement involontaire et fugace.



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