Something Completely Different — 81

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Le 10 août 2007 vers 22:23 dans Something Completely Different

p. 101(1).

La nouvelle de sa mort n’a réellement surpris personne à l’Assemblée nationale; il y était surtout connu pour les difficultés qu’il éprouvait à s’acheter un lit. Depuis quelques mois déjà il avait décidé cet achat ; mais la concrétisation du projet s’avérait impossible. L’anecdote était généralement rapportée avec un léger sourire ironique ; pourtant, il n’y a pas de quoi rire ; l’achat d’un lit, de nos jours présente effectivement des difficultés considérables, et il y a bien de quoi vous mener au suicide. D’abord il faut prévoir la livraison, et donc général prendre une demi-journée de congé, avec tous les problèmes que ça pose. Parfois les livreurs ne viennent pas, ou bien ils ne réussissent pas transporter le lit dans l’escalier, et on en est quitte pour demander une demi-journée de congé supplémentaire. Ces difficultés se reproduisent pour tous les meubles et les appareils ménagers, et l’accumulation de tracas qui en résulte peut déjà suffire à ébranler sérieusement un être sensible. Mais le lit, entre tous les meubles, pose un problème spécialement, éminemment douloureux. Si l’on veut garder la considération du vendeur on est obligé d’acheter un lit à deux places, qu’on en ait ou non 1’utilité, qu’on ait la place de le mettre. Acheter un lit à une place c’est avouer publiquement qu’on n’a pas de vie sexuelle, et qu’on n’envisage pas d’en avoir dans un avenir rapproché ni même lointain (car les lits durent longtemps de nos jours, bien au-delà de la période de garantie; c’est une affaire de cinq ou dix, voire vingt ans; c’est un investissement sérieux, qui vous engage pratiquement pour le restant de vos jours; les lits durent en moyenne bien plus longtemps que les mariages, on ne le sait que trop bien). Même l’achat d’un lit de 140 vous fait passer pour un petit-bourgeois mesquin et étriqué ; aux yeux des vendeurs, le lit de 160 est le seul qui vaille vraiment d’être acheté. Là vous avez le droit à leur respect, à leur considération, voir à un léger sourire complice; ils n’en ont décidément que pour le lit-de 160.

Moi j’ai décidé d’être un petit-bourgeois mesquin et étriqué, et pour m’éviter les tracas de la livraison j’ai même été le chercher accompagné du fidèle A. et de sa voiture familiale, ce qui en bonus m’offrit une augmentation de mon rythme cardiaque à mesure que le bruit sur le toit devenait assourdissant. Mais finalement en regardant ce lit qui occupe désormais environs 25% de la surface habitable situé entre le damier que sont mes murs, je ne vois qu’une raison de plus de ne pas me lever le matin, pas plus pas moins. Peut-être entends-je aussi comme un râle comme en sourdine, comme une petite voix qui me dirait qu’il ne faudrait plus être tant réfractaire au changement.
Pour ce qui est des aveux, il y a longtemps qu’ils ont été faits, ou presque.
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(1)Extension du domaine de la lutte – Michel Houellebecq J’ai lu N°4576 ISBN 2-290-04576-4



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