En voyage – 3

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Le 03 janvier 2005 vers 17:46 dans Une Histoire

En direct de Nantes (44).

Samsoulng

C’est la tête basse que je vous l’annonce : Ça y est j’ai cédé, voyez cet obscur objet de communication (voir plus bas). Je sais ce que vous allez me dire : « Quoi t’as un portable !!!Mais comment t’as fait ???« , en même temps ça fait des années que j’entendais « Quoi t’as pas de portable !!! Mais comment tu fais ???« . Ça ne me changera pas des masses.

Le vendeur voulait me vendre un truc de fou qui envoie des mails, des photos, des colis, surf sur internet, fait le café, prends des photos, des vidéos, le pouls, pour seulement quelques dizaines d’euros supplémentaires :

« — Pour 29 euros de plus, en plus celui là il vous relie directement au livreur de pizza le plus proche dans un rayon de deux kilomètres ! Franchement pour seulement 29 euros de plus, c’est quoi 29 euros ? C’est rien, c’est même pas trente c’est dire si c’est rien ! Aller s’il vous plait quoi ! 29 euros c’est pas grand chose quand même, c’est le début d’année, faites vous plaisir, faites moi plaisir ! En plus, si vous voulez pour 25 euros de plus je vous rajoute un kit main libre pour la voiture, pour 15 euros je vous rajoute une housse matelassé qui brille là nuit, un câble pour relier votre téléphone à votre imprimante pour 49,90 euros et je ne vous ai pas parlé de l’assurance obligatoirement facultative qui est en promo à 44 euros au lieu de 45 euros en ce début d’année tragique, la vie est dure mon brave monsieur ?! Parce que si vous perdez votre portable c’est un peu votre vie qui s’arrête alors qu’avec notre assurance c’est comme un pacemaker mais sans pile vous voyez, et je vous ai pas parlé non plus, tête en l’air que je suis, du forfais tout en un sauf option, avec plus de 154 SMS et quasiment autant voir moitié moins de MMS, c’est comment dire complètement complet sauf si vous êtes hors forfais évidemment parce que là c’est différent mais vous pouvez quand vous le voulez et très facilement changer de forfaits pour un autre en mieux et c’est gratuit ! C’est rudement pratique quand même, en plus avec le XT54 vous pouvez savoir à tout moment où se situ la boulangerie la plus proche grâce à un système de GPS perfectionné, mis au point par la Nasa. En plus avec le compte « tout-gratuit » ça c’est seulement 8 euro par semaine le premier semestre puis à 54 le second pour un engagement de 17 ans renouvelable par contrat signé de mon sang. Et j’y pense il vous faut aussi une oreillette et un collier, parce qu’un homme moderne comme vous se doit d’être à la mode et de ressembler à un chien chien tenu en laisse mais je m’égare, donc oui, en option je vous mets l’assistance 24/24 parce que si…

— STOOOP !!!

— Hein pardon ?!?

— Oui je vais juste prendre celui à un euro

— Celui à un euro ????????

— Oui celui là le gris moche…

— Voilà, bon ça fait un euro tu paye et casse toi minable… »

Du coup mon néo portable ressemble à heu… Rien. Donc évidemment les sonneries sont minables, les images dedans aussi (des bananes, des ours, des fleurs), ça va encore me coûter une fortune en logos et sonneries ce truc là…

En l’achetant je me suis demandé si les vendeurs de téléphones portables avaient des amis, j’ai eu beau tourné le problème dans tout les sens à mon avis la réponse est non…



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